1.24.2010

Guest Blogger GottaLaff: "Why I cried"

Yeah, what she said...

Today, Guest blogger, GottaLaff vents about what seems to be an endless stream of horrible news for Democrats, our country and the world (originally posted on Sunday, January 24, 2010).

Why I cried

I don't know if it was due to feeling weakened and vulnerable from a week of having the flu, or a legitimate emotional response to what has occurred over the past few weeks, but at 7:30 this morning, I broke down in tears. I sobbed. It was way too early in the day to feel much of anything, let alone an avalanche of despair. But I did.

Or was I mourning? With each L.A. Times page that I turned, my eyes filled with more tears, no matter how hard I tried to talk myself out of them.

With each report on the Supreme Court's decision, with every sentence about the current Prop 8 court battle, with every photo of the devastation of Haiti, with every twist and turn in the health care "debate", with each postmortem of the uncanny Coakley loss to a former centerfold whose policy positions frustrate me no end, with every military death, with each inept, biased piece of news reporting, I found myself succumbing to tears that I tried like crazy to resist.

My sons are facing a world of things I can't even fathom. Where I had hopes, I now have anxiety. Where I thought the world would be safer for them, I see growing dangers that I thought would dissipate over time, not intensify. Health care hurdles, hatred, financial roadblocks, discrimination, wars, political obstruction, you name it.

Who do they turn to for justice? How can fairness be achieved? What happened to judicial objectivity? Who can provide that for them? Certainly not the highest court in the land.

Five people have changed my kids' futures. Five people have made voting seem nearly meaningless. Five people who should be standing up for fairness and democracy have instead slammed a whole lot of doors in my children's faces. And mine. And yours.

And so I cried. I cried because I, along with so many of you, continue to fight, and continue to lose to irrationality. We do what we can, both individually and collectively. Speaking for myself, I donate, I tweet, I post, I Facebook, I try to get a message out, I vote, I scream, I explain, I quip. But it hasn't been enough.

I feel smaller than I've ever felt, more insignificant even though I'm reaching thousands on a daily basis. I fight as hard as I can, and give as much as I can give, but this latest body blow from SCOTUS really hurt.

And so today I finally broke down and cried.

However...

As impotent as I feel, and I suspect many of you are feeling the same way, I have no intention of giving up. None.

I'll continue to donate, tweet, post, Facebook, vote, scream, explain, quip. But just like you, I need to vent sometimes in order to unload the negative and start all over again with the positive.

I hope you understand, I'm not whining. I'm not surrendering. I'm not walking away. I haven't lost my resolve. I'm simply sharing the overwhelming rush of emotion I had this morning, because if I didn't, my head would explode.

And having done that, it's time to start over, breathe, and do everything in my power to make the world better for my kids, myself, and anyone who wants to join me.

Read many more great posts by GottaLaff at The Political Carnival.
I'm paralyzed right now with rage, fear, and a feeling that we're truly defeated no matter what we do. Unlike Laffy, I'm on verge of giving up.

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