4.27.2009

Dickipedia: John Yoo

Now that you've made it in Dickipedia, what's next for you, John Yoo, Leavenworth?

From Dickipedia:

John Choon Yoo (born June 10, 1967) is an American attorney, former U.S. Justice Department official, Berkeley law professor, writer of memos, foremost authority on routing the U.S. Constitution, alleged war criminal, and an all-around good person. It is important to note however that—though it contradicts all rational reason—in this article, "an all-around good person" has been redefined narrowly to mean "a dick."

Yoo is an eminent scholar of the document known as U.S. Constitution, though this refers specifically to an edition of it that is missing several amendments and has been integrated with entries from Vice President Dick Cheney's bedtime dream journal.

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Yoo's work is chiefly responsible for the supposed legal justification the Bush administration asserted for the use of "enhanced interrogation techniques," which is like a crazy corporate marketing-speak term for when the vendor fake drowns the consumer.

In his professional world, Yoo's work has caused him to stand out as a shining dick, which, considering this is the legal community we're talking about, is a major achievement in and of itself.

[snip]

In 2001, Yoo went to work at the Office of Legal Counsel in the White House. Though merely a junior aide, Yoo's work, particularly on torture and civil liberties, had immediate influence.

With the war on terror increasing in complexity, President George W. Bush did the same thing most other rich, white kids who buy their way into Ivy league colleges without the necessary academic skills have done when they are in over their head: got the Asian kid to figure it out for him.

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